Dell lost another customer today.  I will never, ever, EVER attempt to order another Dell.  I need to rip this narrative off, cause I already spent two hours of my evening with Dell, and I still need to make another call in the morning.

I need a laptop.  I wanted a Dell laptop, so I picked one in the Dell Outlet in only a few minutes, 2GB RAM, Duo Core, blah-blah, whatever.  I went through the online order process and near the end was prompted for my Company name.  Company name?   Weird, but okay.  Then I clicked on what I thought was the Dell Credit Card image that I opened yesterday to pay the $1600 total.  Submit.

Error.  We cannot process this order.  [Continue Shopping]

Continue Shopping?  Continue SHOPPING???  Like I'm going to try to drop another $1600 bucks here?  No other information, just "Continue Shopping."

So I called Customer Support.  Here's what happened.  Somehow I was in the Business Accounts area of the Dell Outlet.  I thought I was simply in the Dell Outlet looking at laptops, but little did I know that due to some dropdown selection I made I was now shopping within an entity of Dell completely separated from the Home and Home Office entity represented by another dropdown selection.  That produced an error when I selected what I thought was my Dell Credit Card for payment and rewarded me with nothing but an error message and a "Continue Shopping" button.

Dell is broken.  I heard the horror stories about Dell support and incompetent service practices but couldn't believe it.  Now I do.  Here's what transpired the next hour-and-a-half.
 

• Called Customer Support.  On hold with Bangladesh or wherever.  Woman was congenial.  "Your first and last name?"  "Dave Burke."  "That's D-A-B-E?"  "No, no.  DAVE.  D as in Dog, A as in Animal...."  "And your email address?"  Oh, gawd.  "I'm sorry, this is Home and Home Office Services.  This is a Business Account purchase.  Let me transfer you."
  
  
• Business Account Support.  On hold with Bangladesh or wherever.  Woman was congenial.  "Your first and last name?'  "Dave Burke.  D-A-V-E B-U-R-K-E"  "And your email address?"  "This order is on hold because there was a problem with your Dell Credit Card and this is a Business Account purchase."  "Can't you change it's billing?"  "No, I'm sorry, Sir.  You must talk to Dell Financial Services.  Let me transfer you."  On hold for 10 more minutes, then click.  "If you'd like to make a call, please hang-up and dial the number."  Disconnected.
  
  
• Called Dell Financial Services.  Couldn't place the accent.  Man was congenial. "Your first and last name? .... I'm sorry, Sir, but you have to be transferred to Accounts Verification to authorize your Credit Card."  "But why?  I was approved online yesterday."  "Sir, I'm going to transfer you to Accounts Verification now.  Have a fantastic day and thanks for calling Dell!"
  
  
• Accounts Verification.  "Sir, could you please tell me the addresses of your two previous residences?"  I remembered the last one okay but was fuzzy on the exact address of the house I lived in 12 years ago.  It seemed important but he let me slide.  "What about my order problem???  It's on hold because it's designated as a Business Accounts purchase and I wanted to simply pay it with my Dell Credit Card."  "Oh, that will change over automatically and the hold on your order will be removed immediately upon authorization."  I knew he was blowing smoke up my skirt and that he had no clue how to release the hold on my order.  Well, guess what.  I was right.
  
  
• Called Customer Support.  Again.  On hold with Bangladesh or wherever.  Woman was congenial.  "Your first and last name?"  "Dave Burke.  D-A-V-E B-U-R-K-E"  "And your email address? ... I'm sorry, this is a Business Account purchase.  Let me transfer you."  "Can't you just CHANGE IT???  All I want to do is buy a Dell laptop and charge it to my Dell Credit Card."  "No, I'm sorry, but I have to transfer you to Business Account Services."
  
  
• Business Account Services.  On Hold.  Ankush is now my Support Specialist.  "Ankush, buddy.  Can I PLEASE cancel this order?"  10 minutes of processing later, the order for the laptop is cancelled.  I foolishly think that the nightmare is over, then I remember that the order consisted of a laptop AND a docking station.  Checking back online, I see that the docking station is still In Processing, and On Hold, apparently.
  
  
• So I call Business Account Services.  "Business Account Services hours are between 8:00 AM until 6:00 PM Central Time."  It was after 7:00 PM here.  I started the process of chosing and purchasing a Dell laptop around 5:00.
  
  
• I call Customer Support.  Surely I can cancel this docking station order.  "Your first and last name, please?"  No escape.  "This is a Business Account order, Sir, let me transfer you."  On hold for 5 more minutes.  "Hello, sir?  I just received an automated message saying that Business Account Services is closed for the day."  The same message I received, apparently.  "What are their hours again so I can call them in the morning?"  "Sir, that's the Business Account Services area and I work in the Home Services Accounts area."  Unbelievable.
  

 
Okay, telling this story was another 45 minutes of my life.  I am so done with Dell.